Dr. Eric Fretz

Topic: Emotional Intelligence – Leadership, Transition & Impact

Key Concepts & Definitions

• Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the ability to:
  1. Understand and regulate your own emotions.
  2. Perceive and influence the emotions of others.
  3. Use emotional insight to guide behavior toward mutually beneficial outcomes.

• Common alternate terms: soft skills, charisma, people skills.

• EQ is trainable but requires self-awareness, feedback, and deliberate practice.

The Four Quadrants of EQ (Fretz Model)

1. Self-Awareness
   • Know your strengths, triggers, and emotional tendencies.
   • Be open to feedback.

2. Self-Management
   • Regulate reactions, resist impulses, act with intention.
   • Set personal “rules” to manage triggers.

3. Social Awareness
   • Empathy and perception: understand others’ emotions and perspectives.
   • Recognize that others’ behaviors often reflect their inner struggles, not you.

4. Relationship Management
   • Build trust, resolve conflict, and influence effectively.
   • Support others based on their individual needs and values.

Military Transition and EQ

• Veterans often struggle in transitions due to ingrained behaviors (e.g., authoritative leadership, strict hierarchy).
• Success in civilian sectors often depends more on EQ than command presence or technical ability.
• “Degreening” = the cultural shift required when leaving the military.

Example Stories:

• Briefing an Army colonel like a professor → learned to adapt to direct communication norms.
• Culture shock in corporate America when civilian colleagues failed to meet deadlines with no consequence.

Leadership and EQ in Practice

• Great leaders (e.g., Capt. Daniel Bowler, Adm. Ben Hacker) demonstrated high EQ by remembering names, personal details, and showing care.

• Leaders with low EQ create toxic environments, high turnover, and morale issues.

• People quit bosses, not jobs – emotional intelligence is a key retention factor.

EQ, Perspective, and Bias

• Perspective-shifting is essential: people experience and interpret situations differently.

• Examples using visual illusions and real-life analogies highlight how perception varies.

• High EQ means being curious rather than judgmental.

Assessment and Growth

• 360-degree feedback (from superiors, peers, and subordinates) is critical.

• EQ Rubric developed by Dr. Fretz asks:
  • How do others feel around you?
  • Would they want to work for you?
  • Would they want to be stuck in an elevator with you?

• EQ assessment results can be sobering but vital for self-growth.

Cultural and Cognitive Bias

• Cultural background, education, and upbringing influence how EQ manifests.
• Be aware of cognitive biases that distort perception and behavior.
• Example: men often overestimate their EQ; women underestimate it.

Emotion Vocabulary & Granularity

• Better emotional vocabulary = better emotional regulation.
• Use tools like the Emotion Wheel or Periodic Table of Emotions to name emotions precisely (e.g., “frustrated” vs. “furious”).

Final Insights

• “Be curious, not judgmental.”
• “Name it to tame it” – identify emotions clearly to control them.
• EQ fosters longevity, health, and personal and professional success.
• Feedback, humility, and intentional practice are the keys to increasing EQ.